Crazy Dog Lady

I offten wonder if every life is as borning as my own, one would think that from the out side I live a full and rich life, with no real issues, but the truth lies under the fake smile and kind words, hiden benith an atemped at a pritty face, undering the little personality anyone ever see's. the truth, about this world travler, and child of god, is that there is little self love to be found, there is little reason for self love, I am the last of my friends to find that specile someone, not that I have that meny friends, but of the token few I am the last, never been kissed or cuddeld, or given a worm hug buy anyone other than my parents. its at sad exsitence and the question I ask myself is why?? how do I change?? what do I change?? the whole fabrice of who I am?? that would take years upon years! and so I keep on being ...well...me! and everyonce and again I shock the heck out of someone and say somting I wouldent normaly say or do something I normaly wouldent do, I have pritty much come to grips with the fact that I may well be alone for the rest of my life, but deturmend to not become the crazy cat lady I have adopted a little dog, and so I will be the crazy dog lady, I treat her as my own child would be treated, she is spoield rotten, she has clothing and jackets, days at the spa and so meny toys you just couldent count them all, all in her very own toy box, its sick I know, but its somthing for me to do and it keeps my mind off all the other hard things in life. and the hardest thing in my life right now, is feeling alone, all alone, and if my little puppy can make me forget about that for just a few seconds, its all worth it. and I know you are probably thinking I am silly or if you had knowen this was how I was feeling, well I can tell you there is nothing anyone can do for me, life sucks, so wear do I go from hear......I keep being me, smiling and saying I;m fine how are you, trying to change the inside one day at a time, and maybe just maybe, when I'm 52 I will find that speacal someone! I really have to say that the thought of it makes me smile, I mean really smile, my eyes glow a little, and my heart warms at the thought. some one to hold you on a bad day or injoy the warmth of the summer sun, some one to dance with and giggle with, share secrets and snuggles, disscover far off places and hidden trails, walk well know paths and not be afraid to try somthing new, see the world or spend the whole day in bed. to have that would be a blessing and a dream come ture, I would be one happy camper, no longer the lone ranger.