Thick as Thieves

Its funny how one day can pass so fast and others can take forever, today was one of those days that happend to fast, at yet alot happend, I saw a movie that reminded me just how lucky I have been in my life up to this point. how things can change in a blink of an eye, not that it changes the little things eating away at my insides, but it dose make my grass look a little greener, I also heard a great song today, one that has quickly become my theam song of life, I will tell you more about it later. I also got to spend some time with a friend who maybe needs me just as much as I need her, she is going through alot, a divorce, again I am reminded of the things that are right in my life and how quickly things can change in the life of someone who seems to have everything going for them, this was that kind of family, she is a beautiful mom and wife who has an amzing voice and he is an amazing man, with wisdom beyond his years and a great friend to meny who loves the fact that he is a dad, and there little girl a spitting image of both, in apperince and personality, they were amazing, I wont say why or how but it is in fact over, and as each day gos by you realize what that means, there first christmas apart in 13 years, a moms first christmas with out her little girl, its all very grounding. I also realized how much my relationship with my sister is to me. my mom, her twin, my grandmother, my sister and I went for lunch today, and looking around the table I realized that my mom and her sister had spent a life time together and were nothing alike, one is family first the other is herslef first, this is the one time I am happy to say I am like my mom...my sister and I, I would like to think, would cross millions of miles on a regular bases to see each other and I am sure we would talk daily for as long a we could, and I love it, I hope it never changes, I am sure as we get older and have more involved lives we will shorten out visits and phone calls but I am sure there will still be a daily check in, weather it be by e-mail or phone call, and then we look at my mom and her sister, they can go months without talking, if it were not for my cousen we may not see them for months but thankfully he plays a sport and we see each other 2-3 times a week from march till july and then it dwidels off again until next season, its tuch and go, a phone call hear an e-mail there and if were lucky, lunch! but then theres a catch, we have to go to my aunt, she would not come to us, I could go on and on but I think you get the point, I love my sister and hope we alway stay close, thick as thieves! well I have rembeld long enough, today was a day of revelation, of understanding and of looking forweard in life, what comes next, who knows....life is a novel with the ending ripped out...until tomorrow.....ciao

Crazy Dog Lady

I offten wonder if every life is as borning as my own, one would think that from the out side I live a full and rich life, with no real issues, but the truth lies under the fake smile and kind words, hiden benith an atemped at a pritty face, undering the little personality anyone ever see's. the truth, about this world travler, and child of god, is that there is little self love to be found, there is little reason for self love, I am the last of my friends to find that specile someone, not that I have that meny friends, but of the token few I am the last, never been kissed or cuddeld, or given a worm hug buy anyone other than my parents. its at sad exsitence and the question I ask myself is why?? how do I change?? what do I change?? the whole fabrice of who I am?? that would take years upon years! and so I keep on being ...well...me! and everyonce and again I shock the heck out of someone and say somting I wouldent normaly say or do something I normaly wouldent do, I have pritty much come to grips with the fact that I may well be alone for the rest of my life, but deturmend to not become the crazy cat lady I have adopted a little dog, and so I will be the crazy dog lady, I treat her as my own child would be treated, she is spoield rotten, she has clothing and jackets, days at the spa and so meny toys you just couldent count them all, all in her very own toy box, its sick I know, but its somthing for me to do and it keeps my mind off all the other hard things in life. and the hardest thing in my life right now, is feeling alone, all alone, and if my little puppy can make me forget about that for just a few seconds, its all worth it. and I know you are probably thinking I am silly or if you had knowen this was how I was feeling, well I can tell you there is nothing anyone can do for me, life sucks, so wear do I go from hear......I keep being me, smiling and saying I;m fine how are you, trying to change the inside one day at a time, and maybe just maybe, when I'm 52 I will find that speacal someone! I really have to say that the thought of it makes me smile, I mean really smile, my eyes glow a little, and my heart warms at the thought. some one to hold you on a bad day or injoy the warmth of the summer sun, some one to dance with and giggle with, share secrets and snuggles, disscover far off places and hidden trails, walk well know paths and not be afraid to try somthing new, see the world or spend the whole day in bed. to have that would be a blessing and a dream come ture, I would be one happy camper, no longer the lone ranger.